


Hope

by MiniTeddyBear



Category: The Badminton play of Ayano Hanesaki, はねバド! | Hanebado! (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Prequel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-06-17 15:00:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15463971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniTeddyBear/pseuds/MiniTeddyBear
Summary: "Don't go..."





	1. Hope

”Don’t go…”

The image of her mother’s back was etched into her memory as she walked out the door and out of her life.

“Mom…”

In her feverish haze, a sob escaped her. Tears mixed with the sweat on her face.

Deep down inside, Ayano knew that her mother was never coming back.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, she woke up drenched. Her clothes clung uncomfortably onto her body, but she ignored it in favor of getting out of bed.

‘Mom’.

The house was unusually quiet. A suffocating sense of dread lingered, making her feel uneasy.

Frantically, she searched high and low after the long black hair which accompanied her mother’s imposing figure.

Her body felt heavy. She leaned against the wall for support while making her way through the corridor. Wooden floors creaked ever so slightly as she trudged on forward. The irritatingly bright sunlight reflecting against the wall, blinding her momentarily while her eyes adjusted.

Getting up and walking with a fever was a bad idea in hindsight, as proven by the lightheadedness and dull ache in her temples.

The kitchen was empty. Various cooking utensils were left untouched since yesterday.

Without sparing a second glance, Ayano continued to the living room. 

A modest decorated space filled with vases of flowers greeted her. Several pictures of her and her mother, usually with a racket in hand, were littered haphazardly giving off a familiar feeling. In the middle was a comfortable grey couch facing a medium-sized television. An unsuspecting coffee table stood beside, fitting into the background.

The villa was more of a Western influence than the traditional Japanese in terms of renovation. 

Her mother’s small fortune gained over time from her career meant that they didn’t have to worry about the bills. The house was more of a small investment. Throughout her entire life, she would always come back from school after badminton practice to her welcoming residence, day after day.

At the moment, Ayano felt like a foreigner inside her own house. 

The window offered a generous view of the street outside while also allowing in the rays of the sun to illuminate the room inside, giving a picturesque scenery. It never failed to take make her stop and stare for the briefest of moments.

Bloodshot eyes scanned the entirety of the area, only to find it completely empty once again.

With every passing second, her fears grew as she tried to ignore the obvious signs.

In her state of desperation, she completely forgot about her parent’s room.

‘Maybe mom is still sleeping!’ She wasn’t convinced.

Ayano’s pulse was abnormally high, probably due to her fever or the panic settling in.

Whichever the case, the pounding of her heart became almost deafening, drowning out everything but her own thoughts.  
‘I’m sorry for losing the match. I’ll practice every day to get better. I won’t disappoint you ever again, so, please. PLEASE.’

“Mom!” her voice laced with worry as the door slammed open.

Anticipation turned into despair.

Her bedroom was empty. But what was troubling were the lack of clothes from the drawers that had been pulled out. The unkempt bed and a few stray items of clothing were the only evidence of her mother ever living here. On the floor, she noticed a white ribbon. One of the many that adorned her mother’s hair whenever they practiced with each other.

She crawled towards it.

‘No. No. Nonono.’ 

It hung limply in her small hands as if it was the physical representation of her mother’s disappointment. She clutched it with a vice grip and held it close against her chest.

Her breath came out short, uncontrolled. She sat there alone on the floor.

Realization finally dawned upon her.

‘She left. She left because of me. It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.’

Her face contorted into a twisted grimace as the overwhelming emotions left her in a broken state of agony. Quietly, she wept.

Minutes passed by as her body shook. Knuckles turning white from the death grip she had on the piece of fabric.

‘Why did you leave me?’ What little amount of rationality she had left immediately flew out the window as a gut-wrenching howl tore itself from her throat. She slammed her head down onto the edge of the bed and wailed. Her muffled cries filling the silence of the bedroom.

Ayano was an absolute wreck. From the sorrow filled sobs she tried to hold back – to no avail – came an unexpected moment of clarity.

“I have to get better so that mom will come back.” 

Anger and confusion turned into determination. The ribbon in her hand, a constant reminder that she hadn’t been good enough. A beacon of hope, for the belief that her mother would one day come back to her.


	2. Come with me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in class, had to get it off my chest after the latest ep.

”Once this tournament is over, why not leave Japan with me?”

A simple question, but far from an easy one.

Ayano’s breath hitched. Her previous thoughts interrupted by the seemingly innocent suggestion which held several complications behind it. Was she being serious? An overwhelming feeling of hope emerged from within her, an indescribable joy on the brink of tangibility.

It almost made her forget the fact that she had once left. Almost.

If this was one of her cruel pranks… no, she won’t tolerate it. Not with all the hardships, the tears, and the trauma that she’s been through already. What right did she have to come back here and pretend like everything was normal? The audacity.

Unpleasant emotions brewed inside her, clashing with the brief elation that previously lingered, unwilling to disperse.

But if she was truly sincere about it, why now? After so many lonely years of solitude, Ayano was sure that her mother would _never_ come back. She wasn’t even as good as she was compared to her time in middle school – something her mother emphasized during her childhood. It didn’t make sense…

Now there was confusion. Always feels good to have a headache in the morning…

Instead, she turned around to regard her mother properly. She had to make sure this wasn’t a façade.

“Go with you?” she asked neutrally.

“Yeah. I have this really nice place in Denmark, a peaceful villa on the outskirts of the city. We can live there together.” came her mother’s response.

Enticing words and a tempting promise. But more importantly, she could be with her mother again. Wasn’t that what she had wanted in the first place? And now it’s being served to her on a silver platter. It felt too good to be true.

It didn’t seem like she was being dishonest; the risk of her ditching the last second wasn’t excluded though. Could she trust her mother? What was the right decision in this situation?

Scenarios, both bad and…worse, raced through her mind.

A part of her urged herself to say ‘yes’ before her mother changed her mind and the opportunity was forever gone. That she’ll never get a chance like this again in who knows how many years. But the other part of her… the other part reminded her of those times she would come back home only to be greeted by silence. The times where she had to attend parent-meeting conferences at school by herself because her mom was ‘away’.

She thought she felt lost when her mother abandoned her. Now, when she’s offering an invitation, it seems like her grasp on reality is slowly slipping.

She contemplated it over countless times. Ayano let out a deep breath she didn’t know she was holding. Her mouth trying to formulate an answer.

Seconds passed.

“I’d love to come with you.” came the eventual reply.

Uchika seemed happy by her daughter’s choice. She smiled and perked up.

“Great! I’ll sort out the tickets afterwar-“

“But I can’t,” Ayano added.

Satisfaction turned into surprise. Her daughter’s outburst was so unexpected since she didn’t even think she would refuse.

“I can’t,” she repeated. “because there might come a time again, where I won’t meet your expectations, like when I lost to Kaoruko. And when that time comes, you’ll abandon me again – I can’t handle that feeling of disappointment. I can’t go through with that twice!”

By now, tears were running down her eyes as her voice rose to higher volumes.

“I’d rather you just never come back.” she ended solemnly.

With her emotional declamation concluded, Ayano turned back and left Uchika alone to her thoughts in the bathroom.

 

 

 

 


	3. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A dialogue between Elena and Uchika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written after episode 11. One-shot. Hope you enjoy~

"I want to talk to you about Ayano," Elena said.

Uchika looked unperturbed by the request. Instead, she simply opened her beverage and took a swig. Whether it was to quench her thirst or to avoid the subject, Elena couldn't tell.

Everything about the woman in front of her was a mystery. There were so many questions. It was confusing enough just being near her presence, the peculiar behavior wasn't something you'd expect from a mother who hasn't seen her own daughter for years. It didn't add up.

'What is wrong with this family,' she thought.

Despite Elena's own maelstrom of emotions, she did take note of Uchika's appearance. Time had been kind to her. She looked no different now from what she did when they were still in kindergarten - although, maybe her hair was longer. No amount of makeup in the world could ever make Elena feel confident enough to compare to Ayano's mother. Her beauty came from something that wasn't found in the superficiality of cosmetics - it came from a deep passion, a driving force, a lifelong goal that was far too important to abandon. That's why it had been Ayano...

"Ayano, huh?" she confirmed. "So you've been taking care of her while I was away then?"

Elena reflected upon the past few days, weeks even when her childhood friend... changed. She blamed herself for the way Ayano was acting. For going against her desire. For making her play the sport she desperately avoided. Elena thought it would help her move on from the past, but look at how that turned out. It was like she's a completely different person. Elena had trouble answering and looked down at her feet avoiding _her_ question. Uchika interpreted the silence in her own way.

"I see. Well, thank you for looking after her while I was away. She never did make many friends in her badminton club in middle school. I hope it'll be different this time around," she smiled.

The comment made her wince. Through her guilt and shame, Elena mustered the courage to ask the long-awaited question.

"Hanesaki-san, why did you leave Ayano?" she urged. "Was it really because she wasn't good enough? Because she lost one single match?"

Uchika was taken back by the raw emotion in Elena's voice. Her eyes widened slightly before closing in what appeared to be deep thought. She leaned back on the vending machine, gaze fixed on the floor.

"Of course not - well, not entirely."

Elena felt a blinding rage from within her. Did she hear her properly? Her fists balled in suppressed anger, trying to extinguish the fire that was set ablaze by the absurd answer she received.

Uchika sighed, looking far more exhausted than what her physique would suggest. Choosing her words carefully, she tried to explain her reasoning, being mindful of the impact behind her words.

"Ayano depended on me too much. I'm sure you remember too, right? Every day she would ask me to play with her. And I would indulge her for hours."

Uchika fidgeted with the bottle, having difficulty trying to convey her thoughts.

"At first, I allowed it. She was young and curious, so it made me so happy that she'd taken up badminton like I did." she continued.

Elena hung on to every word she was saying, listening intently to the origin of the underlying problem.

"But eventually, I realized that she wasn't playing because she enjoyed it. She didn't play it because she wanted to win - not for her own sake at least."

Uchika frowned. It felt so unnatural to see Ayano's mother with such an expression on her, it just screamed out wrong in so many ways.

"Ayano played because of me. She wanted my approval, my validation. It contradicted my own love for the sport because I believe it's something you should play for yourself. I wonder if it was my fault initially for letting things happen the way they did..."

She let out another sigh as if it was becoming a trend nowadays.

Elena's own thoughts were racing. She didn't know that Ayano was obsessed with her mother to such a degree. All she ever saw was her having fun when they played with each other, where was the harm in that? In a way, she could understand Uchika's perspective, but that didn't mean she condoned her for abandoning Ayano.

"I wanted her to find a reason to play that wasn't influenced by me. And I can see that she has. Well, maybe it was still my doing in the end."

'You think?' Elena did an eye-roll.

"I can understand what you're trying to say, but still. Did you have to leave her without any contact for years?!" Elena exclaimed.

At least she had the decency to look embarrassed at that moment.

Scratching her head, Uchika said,

"I planned on coming back sooner or later. It's not like I didn't check on her regularly."

"But what about when she stopped playing? When she quit? What if she never returned to badminton again?" Elena asked.

"I would have been fine with her decision. If she didn't want to play anymore, far be it from me to stop her if that were the case. Besides, I was also training someone else that I had adopted."

'That Connie girl,' Elena remembered.

"But she didn't. And that was because of you, Elena. So for that, you have my thanks."

Elena was speechless. So she did all of that for Ayano? It was twisted, horrible, atrocious. But she couldn't find it in herself to hate the woman, no matter how many reasons there were to do just that. And there were a _lot_.

"So, what happens from now on? Are you going to finally stay? I don't think Ayano could forgive you that easily." Elena said.

Uchika grinned in that motherly way, like someone who knew that everything would work out.

"Maybe not. But that's up to her. I already asked her if she wanted to come with me to Denmark."

What?

"What?"

Elena couldn't control her panic. Was Ayano going to leave? She wasn't prepared for that. Say what you want about her complaining that Ayano needed to be more independent, but this was too sudden. Uchika seemed to notice the girl's anxiety.

"Don't worry, she probably won't join me anyway. I told her that I'd wait until after the tournament was over for her answer."

Elena was still worried, although she was being more rational about the situation.

"That's why I have a favor to ask of you," Uchika said. "If Ayano turns down my offer, would you please continue to look after her for me when I'm gone?"

Uchika looked into Elena's eyes with an earnest maternal protectiveness that couldn't be mistaken for anything else.

"I know things haven't been easy for her. But, I don't want to control every single thing in her life. She needs to live it the way she wants to. And I'd appreciate it if she had you to experience it with as well."

Despite her earlier misconceptions of Uchika, Elena finally found common ground. Something they both could agree on, and that was the wellbeing of Ayano.

"I would have done so even if you hadn't told me to," she said.

"She's lucky to have a friend like you," Uchika said. "Come on, let's go back to watch the match."

Elena followed behind her back the way they came from.

'What is wrong with this family'


	4. Hopefully

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ending nobody asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has been an incredible journey. Through this show and through my stories, here's a short tribute for an astounding series. Hopefully, season two will come out.

”You’ve gotten very good,” Uchika said.

 

 

Ayano smiled. The barest hint of pride showing on her face. When was the last time her mother praised her? Ayano couldn’t remember – not right now at least – it’s been too long.

 

 

_Maybe it’s better this way._

 

 

“Thanks,” she said.

 

 

“We could go overseas together,” Uchika suggested. “You want to come to Denmark? Connie, me, and you… We’ll all play badminton together.”

 

 

Ayano looked at the ground.

 

 

_There’s no point._

 

 

“I’m staying here,” she said.

 

 

Her mother looked surprised. Perhaps she already knew her daughter’s answer and simply clung to the hope that Ayano would change her mind. Perhaps she was asking for too much.

 

 

“I guess this time, I’m the one being left behind,” Uchika said regretfully.

 

 

_I’ve already decided._

 

Her smile never faltered. Up to this point, she’s been abandoned, traumatized, shunned. She’s been beaten, reminded of her past failures, and disregarded everyone around her. No matter how hard she tried to fit in, it felt like all of it was for nothing.

 

 

_Maybe this is how it was supposed to be._

 

 

“I’m quitting badminton.”

 

 

A collective gasp was heard. Uchika stared at her with wide eyes, visibly shocked. Everyone else watched the scene unfold with their mouths open.

 

 

The corridor went completely silent.

 

 

“Are you quitting the club? Why-“

 

 

“I’m not playing anymore.” she cut off.

 

 

Ayano chuckled. “I’m done with badminton.”

 

 

That was the final nail in the coffin.

 

 

“What are you talking about?” Uchika exclaimed incredulously. “How come? Didn’t you enjoy playing?”

 

 

Her mother was in total disbelief. She saw Ayano giving her best effort on the court, playing for her own sake for once. She thought Ayano had finally found it, a reason for playing badminton that wasn’t because of her. Then why did she want to stop now?

 

 

“I did. I loved every second of it. It was exhilarating, I’ve never felt that way before.” she replied.

 

 

“Then why-“

 

 

“I’m glad I got the chance to experience that, before ending it here.”

 

 

Ayano looked into her mother’s eyes. Only reaffirming what she’s committed herself to – her final conclusion. There was no hate, nor contempt.

 

 

“You told me you came back because I could play without you. I wanted to prove that I didn’t need you in order to get better.”

 

 

She looked at her teammates. Her friends.

 

 

“I didn’t need them to get better. I didn’t need anyone but myself.”

 

 

Her fists clenched.

 

 

“I’ve done awful things to them. Unforgivable things.”

 

 

_They didn’t deserve it. And I don’t deserve them…_

 

 

It was barely above a whisper.

 

 

“What was the point in playing if everyone leaves me again?” she asked.

 

 

Ayano let out a shuddering breath. It took every ounce of her will not to break down at the realization.

 

 

“I chased after you because I couldn’t stand to be alone. Because of you, I played. Because of you… I’m quitting.”

 

 

Her voice wavered.

 

 

“I don’t want them to leave me like you did.”

 

 

Her vision blurred.

 

 

“I’ve had enough.”

 

 

Uchika was speechless. Seeing Ayano trying, failing miserably, to hold back tears. She felt ice course through her veins. A gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach.

 

 

“Thank you,” she mumbled. “For teaching me to stand on my own two feet. For making me realize that… I don’t need you in my life anymore…”

 

 

“Ayano…”

 

 

It was equally hard hearing her words just as it was saying them. Yet through it all, she never stopped smiling.

 

 

“To be honest, I never want to see you again.”

 

 

Something other than sweat stained her shirt. Ayano found it hard to breathe.

 

 

“If you really love me. If you ever did…” Ayano’s fist turned pale white. Her body trembled. “Then you’d do me this favor, and hopefully, you’ll never come back.”

 

 

Uchika’s lungs had stopped functioning at some point. She didn’t know when, but that was the last thing on her mind right now. Ayano told her that she never wanted to see her again. Uchika felt numb; disconnected from her body. That was the last thing she expected to hear from her daughter.

 

 

It was the fact that she didn’t yell or get angry. She simply stood there smiling. An unending stream of tears flowing down her face.

 

 

Ayano bit back a sob. She stepped forward. And gently, wrapped her arms around her mother. Finding comfort in the absent presence during those painful years of isolation.

 

 

“Goodbye, mom…”

 

 

As much as she wanted to stay there forever, she knew it was necessary. Without a second glance, Ayano turned around leaving Uchika alone in the corridor. Not trusting herself to keep up her front, she bit her lip, drawing blood. Those last few steps around the corner never felt so heavy in her life. When she was finally alone, she let it all out…

 

 

Uchika was still as a statue. Her arm outstretched as if trying to grab onto the back of her daughter. She knew she was a horrible parent. A terrible mother. She had no regrets – or that’s what she tried to convince herself. She deserved it, she had it coming for a long time – but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

 

 

A single tear ran down her cheek.

 

 

_Goodbye, Ayano._


End file.
